Two under two

I have two male pigs. They are considered “mini pigs”. Now you’re probably picturing a tiny teacup pig, but some can reach up to 300 lbs! At the rate I feed my pigs, they will probably top out around 200 lbs.

All my boys are getting bigger. My firstborn Vinny has a birthday in a couple weeks. He will be five. years. old. I cannot even believe it. I swear when they tell you how fast it goes- it’s true.

My two younger boys are fifteen months apart. I stopped breastfeeding Vinny at 5 months. Low & behold, one month later I found out I was pregnant.

It was difficult being pregnant while also having a baby to care after. I remember being so nauseous that I just let Vinny cry & cry in his playpen so I could lie down and cry too. I had very little help & missed my parents immensely. They lived across the country while my husband was busy working so I could be a stay at home mom.

While I previously thought it was hard being pregnant with a baby, I had no idea how difficult it would be to have two under two. I was completely sleep deprived. The difficulty of coordinating two small children’s sleep & feeding schedules, while also interacting with both of them when they’re not in the same developmental stage was more than just stressful.

The first two years were a blur. I don’t know how I got through it. I spent 2015-2017 without medication for my bipolar disorder. I didn’t want to risk the complications of taking meds while being pregnant or breastfeeding. My mood swings during this time were all over the place.

In late 2017 I knew my “baby blues” were signs of postpartum depression. I finally went to see a psychiatrist where I got diagnosed again with bipolar depression & he urged me to get back on medication.

I had to cut my breastfeeding journey to three months with my last baby. The mindset of “breast is best” stung me. Was I not doing my best because I was formula feeding? The mom guilt was terrible.

We live in a culture where people love to give unsolicited parenting advice. However, what works for some doesn’t always work for everyone.

To the mamas reading , I’m writing this because it does get easier. My boys are now 3 & 4 (soon to be 5😭). Every moment I have with them I hang onto, because I know tomorrow they’ll only be older. So let go of that mom guilt & hold onto your precious babies. One day you’ll be holding them in your arms… and the next they’ll be letting go. ♥️