Being a Bonus Mom

My bonus son

This whole summer I’ve been trying to add another piglet to my farm family. Unfortunately, I always fall in love with the runts & they haven’t made it home sadly. It’ll happen eventually & I know the animals will quickly adjust and treat him like another brother. The goats are sisters & the pigs come from separate farms, but together they are a blended family.

I have a step son. When I first met my husband, he went straight to the point & told me he had a three year old from a previous marriage. At first I thought “well this is our first date, let’s just see how this goes & I’ll ponder it more.”

Well more turned into a second date. People probably will think this was fast (I did too), but he introduced me to his son our following date.

I was nervous. I mean, I’m a teacher & love kids, but I was still anxious. When he opened the door I saw this tiny, little person behind him. My future step son.

I fell in love. He has always been super sweet & kind. If you meet anyone who knows him, they always mention what a good boy he is. His dad & biological mom did a fantastic job raising him.

Was it always easy? No. It was especially hard after I had my two boys fifteen months apart. I was tired, unmedicated & far less patient. I had created a natural, maternal bond with my own two children & I know it’s not fair but it seemed like my heart could only stretch so far.

This outlook has changed tremendously. I had to reevaluate my relationship with my stepson. I started really engaging with him. He was not a little toddler anymore, he was growing into a boy. My attitude shifted & it sparked the same love I had for him when we first met.

It was wrong to be preferential to my own kids. My stepson might not be mine biologically, but he is mine in my own way. My bonus son. He has always been the best brother. He never treats me like “just a stepmom” and I will truly love him forever for that.

Luckily, his bio mom is great. It’s not always perfect but we always try to put the kids first & do what’s best for them. Co-parenting can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be. I had to separate any jealousy I might’ve had over their previous marriage & put my step son first.

“The only steps in this house are the stair steps & the only half in this house is the half & half creamer.” I have a sign in my house that says that. It reminds me everyday that we are a FAMILY- blended or not.

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