bipolar mommy

I’ve been struggling with a little bit of writers block. Last night I opened up my WordPress and attempted to write 3 times. Each time I got a few paragraphs in and then deleted the whole post. It’s frustrating & mostly due to my constant need for perfection.

I’m trying to write while Blippi plays in the background. If you’re unfamiliar with Blippi (you lucky person), it’s a popular albeit annoying Youtube kids show.

My kids are my world. I had someone ask me the other day, “Aren’t our kids EVERYTHING to us?” I hesitated when I answered.

Of course my children mean everything to me. But should they make up my whole entire life? I don’t necessarily think so.

I am a mother of three beautiful boys. One is my stepson, but I love him like he’s my own. I’ve always wanted to be a mama of three boys & it’s funny how life works out.

I love my sons. But I don’t think my identity & purpose should solely be a mother. I’ve tried that before when I was a stay at home mom for three years, and I couldn’t handle it.

The long days of isolation when my husband was at work and dealing with two under two dismantled my mental health. I would have to wake up multiple times a night to nurse or pump & then spend the following day exhausted and depleted of any remaining energy. I remember barely being able to keep my eyes open somedays.

Going back to teaching saved my mental health. I was so nervous to join the workforce as I know from experience that teaching kids with special needs isn’t easy. But it was one of the best decisions of my life.

We, as mothers, know that our children mean everything to us. But if you grapple with mental health as well, I know how difficult it can be. I understand the demanding job of juggling motherhood & your mental health. I can empathize with what it’s like to feel like you’re doing everything but not enough at the same time. To wonder if you’re doing a good job or if you’re failing your children by struggling inside.

I found this image on Popsugar.com with this quote by Jessica Lange. While I agree with the sentiments, I don’t think that motherhood should make you completely unselfish.

They say when you’re on a plane and heaven forbid need to use an oxygen mask, you should put your own mask on first before helping others. This doesn’t make you selfish. It means that in order to help others then you must help yourself first.

There’s nothing selfish about that. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. It’s also okay to have an identity outside of being a mother.

Motherhood has changed my life. I’ve never known love this deep before. I never knew how much my heart could explode with LOVE when I see my kids and I still look at them in awe.

But I also know the demands that motherhood brings. Being a bipolar mom I know I need to prioritize my mental heath as well. I also know I need to give myself grace. Bad moments don’t make us bad moms.

So mamas, hold onto those precious moments with your little ones (or big ones). But please remember- it’s not selfish to want to have a life outside of them. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

Proud boy mama

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