Facebook is funny wherein it pops up memories from the past. Today my cousin sent me a quote I sent her ten years ago on FB. “The only people you need in your life are the ones who prove they need you in theirs.”
I wrote that to her ten years ago. What a profound statement for a 24 year old (at the time). I wish I could say that I held onto that sentiment for the following decade- but it still escapes me.
Why do we make people a priority when they only see us as an option? For me it usually boils down to my low self esteem. I can’t expect people to put me first when I don’t even put myself first in my own life.
Our thoughts create our reality. I have constantly thought so little of myself that in the past I’ve created relationships with people who really weren’t into me. They didn’t love me. They didn’t appreciate me. And they sure didn’t prioritize me.
For the longest time that’s what I felt I deserved. I was so stuck on the feeling of being unloved that I couldn’t fully love myself. I truly thought that I deserved to be treated this way.
They say love is blind. It’s true. A person in love can’t really see all the imperfections that an unhealthy relationship brings. I never wanted to fall in love with someone that didn’t fully love me back.
It’s like we, as people with mental illness, are addicted to the pain. We’re accustomed to it. It’s our life. Our reality. And the pain we seek is usually a feeling we think we deserve.
It’s taken me ten years but I now understand that no one deserves to feel unwanted or unnecessary self-inflicted pain. Why do that to ourselves? Because the heart wants what it wants.
It’s easy to say prioritize yourself. It’s easy to say love yourself. But where do we begin?
Take a look at your life & reflect. What’s missing that we need to fill this void with unreciprocated love? What are the actual needs you want from a relationship? And most importantly, what are your expectations?
I’ve always had low expectations. Living with bipolar disorder I’ve learned to settle when it comes to my own happiness. But that’s not how we should be living our lives.
We deserve to be loved. We deserve to be appreciated. Love is blind but we don’t have to be. Open your eyes to a situation & see it for what it really is. And please remember, don’t allow someone to be a priority when you’ll always be merely an option.