The loss of a loved one is a catalyst event, whether it’s a physical loss or even just a breakup. I often anxiously ruminate over the thoughts of someone I love dying. As someone living with bipolar disorder, I honestly do not know how I would recover or cope.
I have, however, dealt with the loss of losing someone I’ve loved through a breakup, whether that person was a romantic figure or even completely platonic.
This past summer I met someone incredible; let’s call her “Eva.” I’ve always believed we attract who or what we are. People can help reveal our true identity, while hopefully imparting lessons that improve our lives.
Eva had recently went through her own loss. Her partner had died just a few months prior. When I met her, I had the intense desire to heal her loneliness.
This came at the expense of my own happiness. I spent so much energy and time on Eva, wanting to be a beacon of light or joy in her life.
I didn’t realize that in my attempt to help her heal, I was destroying myself. I had this idea that I could be a bridge in her life. An anchoring support to help her overcome the intense grief she was feeling & maybe lead her to happiness.
But it is not my responsibility to make another person happy. More importantly, another person cannot make me happy in turn. We have to find that joy within ourselves.
It still aches, but I had to let go of Eva. I realized my time with her was over. As much as I cared for her, it also hurt.
I wanted to be something in her life that could never happen. Although I thought I could just be a bridge of support, I secretly wanted to be the person waiting on the other side.
Due to life circumstances, that reality would never exist. It was heartbreaking for me to let go. But with radical acceptance, I gained clarity over the situation.
I can never make someone happy without being completely at peace with myself. So now, when I think of Eva, I thank her for all the wisdom & growth I’ve gained. Because with loss hopefully follows love. And I will always love Eva, because learning to let go was the first step in loving myself.