I wrote an article for BpHope about Attachment Styles describing my anxiety for companionship and how it stems from childhood. https://www.bphope.com/blog/attachment-styles-parenting-with-bipolar/
I always saw my tendency to attach to people as a flaw. This was further pronounced with that very short conversation above. I bet you can guess which one is me.
I still flush with embarrassment thinking of that memory. I remember feeling offended but mostly hurt, as if my self-worth and who I was just wasn’t enough.
I can’t think of attachments or even my perceived neediness as flaws anymore. Honestly, I’ve spent most of my life beating myself up over stuff and people that don’t matter.
Attachments are important as long as they’re secure. When they’re not, you’ll know. The quote “If they wanted to, they would” always resonated with me.
But sometimes, people want to. They just can’t. I used to see it as emotionally unavailable til I realized their viewpoint. Why get stuck on someone or something that you’ll eventually lose?
I still view this person with nothing but love and kindness. I, however, am built differently; I can’t help getting attached to people. I lead with my heart rather than my head. It isn’t in my nature NOT to love.
I always thought love was finite. I believed I only had so much love to give, and then there wouldn’t be any left to love myself.
Finally finding the peace within myself taught me self-awareness. We owe ourselves the love we so freely give others. But with this clarity, I’m slowly learning to detach.
But the things I now detach to, are the same things & people that never made me feel wanted in the first place. So it’s a win/win. Because all my affection is now securely attached to the ones I never question their love.