Holy moly it’s almost been a whole month since I’ve posted on Farmerish. If anyone ever wants to start a blog, which it’s fairly easy to do, you have to remember to be consistent.
Consistency has been a real difficult task for me lately. I just entered my second trimester last week. Officially 15 weeks pregnant.
It hasn’t been exactly pleasant. I know having another baby is a blessing. But my hormones have been RAGING. Like all over the place.
Having bipolar disorder doesn’t help either. My life is scary sometimes wherein I really don’t know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. I was riding a two week manic high from my birthday until December hit and I knew I was going to drop at some point.
Well inevitably, the pendulum fell. I suddenly felt irritable, depressed, anxious. All those negative feelings I was able to avoid for two whole weeks straight.
I can get easily triggered once I start shifting to a depressive state. I had made plans with a girlfriend to meet her for lunch. I was so excited to finally get out of the house and put myself together.
After I had gotten ready I received a text from her cancelling, saying she wasn’t feeling up for it. Immediately I started boiling. It’s a really terrible feeling to go from 0 to 100 in my opinion. I was so upset.
It’s easy for me for my first reaction to quickly turn to anger. It’s just always been like that. I finally figured out over time that it’s really just coming from a hurt place inside me.
I went for a drive. My counselor always tells me to take a break from a situation when I start to feel elevated. This is really important for me to remember.
I looked back at the message and I realized it wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with me it’s that she truly wasn’t feeling up for it. As someone who suffers from a mental illness, I should be able to empathize that feeling the most.
I quickly called her. I asked her if I could cheer her up by coming over. It worked. And it cheered me up too.
My hormones are raging. It’s true. But as someone with a mental illness I need to remember to put myself in someone else’s shoes and see it from their perspective.
Empathy. It’s easy.