Raging Hormones

Holy moly it’s almost been a whole month since I’ve posted on Farmerish. If anyone ever wants to start a blog, which it’s fairly easy to do, you have to remember to be consistent.

Consistency has been a real difficult task for me lately. I just entered my second trimester last week. Officially 15 weeks pregnant.

It hasn’t been exactly pleasant. I know having another baby is a blessing. But my hormones have been RAGING. Like all over the place.

Having bipolar disorder doesn’t help either. My life is scary sometimes wherein I really don’t know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. I was riding a two week manic high from my birthday until December hit and I knew I was going to drop at some point.

Well inevitably, the pendulum fell. I suddenly felt irritable, depressed, anxious. All those negative feelings I was able to avoid for two whole weeks straight.

I can get easily triggered once I start shifting to a depressive state. I had made plans with a girlfriend to meet her for lunch. I was so excited to finally get out of the house and put myself together.

After I had gotten ready I received a text from her cancelling, saying she wasn’t feeling up for it. Immediately I started boiling. It’s a really terrible feeling to go from 0 to 100 in my opinion. I was so upset.

It’s easy for me for my first reaction to quickly turn to anger. It’s just always been like that. I finally figured out over time that it’s really just coming from a hurt place inside me.

I went for a drive. My counselor always tells me to take a break from a situation when I start to feel elevated. This is really important for me to remember.

I looked back at the message and I realized it wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with me it’s that she truly wasn’t feeling up for it. As someone who suffers from a mental illness, I should be able to empathize that feeling the most.

I quickly called her. I asked her if I could cheer her up by coming over. It worked. And it cheered me up too.

My hormones are raging. It’s true. But as someone with a mental illness I need to remember to put myself in someone else’s shoes and see it from their perspective.

Empathy. It’s easy.

My beautiful best friend. I’m so happy you are in my life, and I will always be there for you!

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