It’s not always rainbows & butterflies it’s compromise that moves us along.Maroon 5
It’s been one of those days. You know, the one where you wake up filled with hope that today is going to be the best day ever! I frequently wake up feeling this way. For me it’s that I’m going to change, that I won’t be filled with despair at the end of the day, that I won’t feel the weight of the sheer exhaustion of just being me.
It’s only the afternoon but I already feel defeated. This is what life is like being bipolar. My rapid cycling of feeling manic and excited then shifting to easily irritated and triggered has already reared its ugly head.
Sadly the person I take it out most on is my husband. He doesn’t deserve my manic shifts. He doesn’t deserve the outbursts that come with it. But what he doesn’t understand- I can’t help it.
I have seen psychiatrists, therapists, and checked into outpatient centers. I take my meds regularly and I have a fantastic support system of friends. My mood swings still happen and it’s taking a toll on my marriage.
All I want is for him to understand that I cannot help that I have a neurological brain disorder. My actions and emotions in the moment are out of my control.
The lack of empathy is what triggers me the most. I understand being with someone diagnosed bipolar cannot be easy. In fact, I imagine it can be heartbreaking. However, without empathy you’ll never be able to give the grace and love that people who are suffering with mental illness really need.
I hope by writing this blog it will provide a place for people to understand what it’s like. What it’s like to have no control of your thoughts, feelings, emotions and even your actions.
I want to bring awareness on a topic that’s sensitive for some. I hope people gain knowledge on bipolar disorder through my experiences- good or bad. With awareness and knowledge, empathy can be found.